The Missing Link: Me!

Only I can tell this story:

Entirely by coincidence and chance, my elusive birth parents have been identified . . . and no one more than I is as surprised.

To understand this unveiling, I must first backtrack. In 1955, I was born in St. Ann's Hospital for Women in Columbus, Ohio, to a lady named Barbara Ann Fromm. (If interested in more specifics regarding my ultimate adoption and subsequent life, I refer readers to my February 13, 2014, blog entry entitled "A Revelation" found at michaelagunther.blogspot.com .) At a young age, I had discovered I was adopted when my parents informed my sister Carol (not biological) and me about our origins. Honestly, that news had little to no impact on my life, one of enjoyment, love, caring, and relative comfort. As the years passed into adulthood, I periodically was curious, but it was not until my wife and I chose to have children that understanding my health history made my biological history a bit more relevant. With assistance from the Ohio Bureau of Vital Statistics, I found my original birth certificate that listed only my mother's name and my health history was described as "Normal." From my perspective, that was enough--for the most part, my search and interest was pretty much done.

A few years ago, however, at the insistence of my children and my wife, I submitted my saliva to Ancestry.com with the hope of finding my heritage (Irish and Scottish). Once that question was answered, I went no further in reading or pursuing anything else about my heritage. Over the past few years, we have casually commented that Jake Fromm, the quarterback for the University of Georgia, was probably my nephew, but beyond that my biological family was a nonfactor in my life--I would be lying, though, if I completely overlooked that a curiosity did exist, but I accepted that I would never know, so the idea was pretty much buried.

Until May 6 of  this year . . .

Our youngest daughter, for her own reasons, decided to find out more about her own history, so she submitted her saliva to the 23&Me Program, triggering a connection to her biological second cousin named Jennifer Hodge (Fromm), a resident of Reno, Nevada. My daughter called me with that news, stirring my curiosity enough that I enlisted my LinkedIn account to see if a connection existed--none did. I followed that up by entering that name on Facebook, discovered a possible match, and then wrote an email via Messenger that I feared would be rejected as coming from a weird dude, maybe even a creepy sort of guy. Much to my surprise, however, within twenty minutes, I received a response that immediately made a positive connection: She was a blood relative! Her exact words were "OMG, I'm so happy you texted! I've seen your relationship on Ancestry and have been racking my brain trying to figure out the [connection]. I believe Barbara [my biological mother] is a sister to my grandfather . . . you're similar in age to my dad, Jeff Fromm . . . ." Much more was exchanged in that email, but it was not until the next day when I received another email from Jennifer that read "I found a relative that knows about you! Her name is Sue Hodges and she would be your cousin. Her mother told her the 'story' and she said she would love to chat with you." At that point, I was provided Sue's Facebook information, and we soon touched base via Messenger.

That evening I contacted Sue, a resident of Reynoldsburg, Ohio, who wrote, "I am so happy that you have found us. My late mother and I have wanted to find you for years!"

At that point, my biological life unfolded. At the risk of boring readers, I do find it pertinent to quote what I was told: 

          "Your mother worked at a variety store in Bexley, a very well-to-do suburb of Columbus. Your father's name was Walter Daugherty . . . he owned a bar in Columbus called The Camel Bell. I don't know whatever happened to him. After your birth, your mother left Columbus and moved to Lima, Ohio, where our family lived. She worked in the office at the electric company. In 1960, she married and became a farmer's wife. She never had any children. My grandparents had 13 children and around 35 grandchildren . . . As you can imagine, these things [out of wedlock births] were never discussed back in those days. My mom never told my dad [about a child] and she only told me when I was an adult. Your mother was my favorite aunt, and if she had a child, I wanted to know about him. Your mom had a sense of humor like no other. Sadly, she passed away from Leukemia on August 27, 1980. She lived close to Ada at the time of her death. She was about 5'2" and had very dark, naturally curly hair. She was a very sophisticated lady who wore beautiful clothes. However, when she married and lived on the farm, she did a complete about face. She had a garden, canned from her garden, learned to sew, but her personality never changed. We all LOVED her . . .I know she loved you and wanted you to have a life that she never could afford to give you. But everything was so hush hush back then. After my mother died in 2001, I tried to find you, but [the state of Ohio] is very strict. If I had been her sibling, I would have had better luck. My regret is that we didn't find you earlier. I know my mother always wanted to find you."

Additionally, I spoke with my mother's sole remaining sibling, a younger sister (by 12 years), Judy (a resident of Wapakoneta, Ohio), who recalled my mother as being extremely organized and one "who would give you the shirt off her back . . ."--certainly a pleasant thought. Much more was written and discussed, but that should be sufficient regarding my biological mom.

At this point, I contacted a name, Marilyn Moltz, a Chicago resident and an English teacher as am I, who appeared on my Ancestry.com page (which I had never looked at beyond discovering my heritage). There I found messages from Marilyn and a guy named Andy Tucker (who I discovered is also a first cousin like Marilyn), both who had been attempting to locate me. Past messages of "Merry Christmas, cuz" and "You might be my cousin!" greeted me. Thus, I contacted Marilyn, who was quite helpful, connecting me with a lady in Pickerington, Ohio, named Diane Malone, the niece of my biological father Walter. In short, my first cousin and I began to fill in the gaps. To best capture her response, I provide the following words from her emails:

     "I have a lot of information on him; my dad and he were very close and had several businesses together. I do need to apologize to you because I had no idea that uncle Walt had a son!"

Soon thereafter, Diane and I spoke by phone where I learned that my father never married, was a World War II vet who was stationed in Iran, was a heavy smoker, stood about 6'0", and owned a bar and a few carry-outs in the Columbus area. He was described as very quiet and easygoing with a warm personality who was quite caring toward others and was a homebody who declared after he returned from Iran that he was never leaving Ohio again. He was born in New Straightsville, Ohio, (near Logan) and is buried in St. Joseph's Cemetery on South High Street in Columbus. Interestingly, his full name was Walter Aloysius Benedict Daugherty--clearly Catholic by the name choices of "Aloysius" and "Benedict"--interestingly, I, too, am Catholic. He had no other children, clearly establishing that I have no biological brothers or sisters (as stated, my biological mother had no other children).

The best part, by far, is that pictures exist of my biological parents! I have been able to review them and certainly can see similarities in appearance...it is almost 65 years later, but whom I resemble has been partially answered.

When my kids have asked what learning all this has meant to me, my answer is quite simple: It fills in the blanks. While I feel no strong emotional attachments at this time, I am flattered to recognize that at least a few people in my biological tree did know that I existed. Being told that others had wanted to find me did humble me, without a doubt! On a negative note, I have now been made aware that both parents and most of their siblings died of various cancers--not exactly sure of the power of that discovery, but at least I know a little medical history. Regarding my new-found relatives, I look forward to meeting a few of them when the current pandemic disappears and am grateful for their courageously stepping forward when I made contact.

In a script resembling The Twilight Zone, one noted oddity exists: my biological mom lived at 634 East Main Street (Columbus), The Camel Bell Bar (biological father's business) was on East Main Street (Columbus), and I was born at St. Ann's Hospital for Women at 1634 East Main Street (Columbus).

The irony? I was raised at 638 East Main Street (Gnadenhutten) . . .  not knowing anything about my biological family. Karma, Coincidence, or Divine Intervention?


 

Views from the Hot Seat...: Split Among Friends

Views from the Hot Seat...: Split Among Friends: I am 64, my limited hair is going in all directions because of the virus's limitations, and I am not sure how to envision my future lif...

Split Among Friends

I am 64, my limited hair is going in all directions because of the virus's limitations, and I am not sure how to envision my future life. 

As I am prone to do, I revert to my past to understand what is going on around me. For whatever reason, I find solace in remembering how I have confronted and solved past issues, what has shaped my thinking, and what lessons I have learned in the process. Today's Covid-19 is forcing me to confront many conflicting ideas about life, finances, and the pillars of our society. If you would, please come with me on my observations about where we are today.

Having been born in 1955, I have learned (thankfully) that my thinking has evolved since that time. As a child and a teenager, the globe was spinning, but I was primarily worried only about me--did not have great interest in much other than family, friends, sports, and reading. Certainly, I was aware of life's events because of the newspaper's influence, but politics carried no power for me. Arriving at college, however, awakened something dormant . . . an awareness of life beyond my nose. Today, though, I am acutely aware of such divisiveness within our society, allowing me to examine other comparable moments in my lifetime.

Sitting here today, I can think of five life-altering historical events that have provided significant splits in American attitudes. Certainly, others could have made my list, but these seem to be the "biggies," listed in chronological order.

1. The Civil Rights Movement: I became aware of the racial inequality in junior high school and later in high school when I read any "Black" literature Indian Valley South's and Gnadenhutten's libraries could offer. Novels like The Contender, Black Boy, and Native Son fueled my interest, but having no practical experience interacting with people of color prevented me from having first-hand knowledge of the issues. I was certainly aware of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s prominence, but it was not until Cassius Clay/Muhammed Ali took his stand against the country's military obligations that I began to notice a rising national issue. To best understand, readers must recognize that this time period held limited barriers to racial names--the "n" bomb was not prevalent but it was present, "colored" was a term that I later determined was derogatory, and other deflating labels were also common. When I would hear my dad use those words, I just assumed that they were acceptable. Thus, my mind was certainly shaped by the culture in which I was raised. In time, my views took a 180, primarily because I had to overcome much immaturity and I had exposure to races other than white people like me. That combination forced me to overcome any bias that I had carried. I like to think that today I am far beyond that limited thinking. My point is simple: The Civil Rights issue divided people in our country--we only need to look at the history books to understand that. Each of us has his or her own story to tell regarding those times, attitudes, and biases, but I feel comfortable in saying that the race issue that struck a chord in the '50s and '60s caused so much disruption in our society that even today its ugly head still rises to the surface. As a point, I remain convinced that many--definitely not all--resented that a black man was elected as our President. It may seldom be admitted, but I sense that belief remains slightly beneath the surface. 

2. The Vietnam Conflict: A touchy subject even today for so many reasons, but the reality is that this war clearly divided our country by age, race, political beliefs, and activist reactions. I have studied this conflict extensively, and, along with my students, have written oral histories of so many veterans who will always be held in my highest esteem. From my knowledge, I conclude that time period resulted in the best we could offer while also hitting us with our worst. I need not elaborate to a great extent, but if we examine the May 4, 1970, Kent State Shootings, for example, we get a vivid picture of our country's unrest. Torn between either defending our country whether dedicated to the war effort or not or fighting what many felt was an unjust war, young people were faced with a confusing dilemma. As time wore on, the war's power grew old, ultimately leading to our departure from Vietnam in a way untypical of American war history. That war--unlike the others that Americans had fought--gradually undermined our confidence and trust in our country's leaders . . .seems to me that long-ago war still creates the roots of our unrest today. 

3. Roe vs. Wade: This extremely divisive court decision distinctly drew lines for many between life and death, morality versus immorality, and religious views versus women's rights. Today's current Conservative movement appears to be hell-bent on altering this abortion decision, thus partially explaining the major push to seat conservative-thinking judges, particularly in the nation's Supreme Court. Continuing to hold heavy weight, this issue remains a dividing element in our society. My barber, for example, tells me that he is not a "true Trump guy," but he is convinced that  Republicans "oppose abortion," so that is why he sides with the President. I have heard it from others as well that "women should not have the right to determine what they do with their own bodies--our country must legislate abortion to be illegal." Please understand that this remains a much-discussed issue in the Democrat versus Republican perceptions. Again, this issue divided back then, and it still is now.

4. Donald Trump: Never have I seen such a polarizing figure sit in the President's office. His strategies for unifying have been met with much despair and opposition while at the same time fueling a sometimes feverish devotion to his personality and his positions. Reasons for both sides vary, of course, but we are living through a time that has definitely polarized us. Conversations regarding him can easily deteriorate into heated arguments, only reaffirming the old saying that "we should never discuss politics at the dinner table." Whether his approach has been effective will be determined in the short term by the November election and in the long term by the way history regards him. Today, we have opinions, but the future will determine his true impact, just as it has with any other President. No matter how we cut that Trump pie, the man has created sharply divided sides that have certainly disrupted our society's advancement.

5. Covid-19: Living history, as the saying goes, is where we are. Lines in the sand are being drawn as I write this: 

        "The governor is incompetent" OR "The governor has been such a leader"; 

        "Dr. Acton is an un-elected person, so she needs to shut up" OR "Dr. Acton has been so impartial to politics that it's refreshing." 

Got the picture? The split is alive and well--where it ends remains to be seen. I do chuckle sometimes because I remember reading a saying once that made such sense to me: 

          "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people"

I am afraid we are in such a quandry at the moment that we too frequently resort to attacking people first--perhaps that is a result of anger and frustration, but I strongly sense that our country's fragility is being exposed at this moment. We will see if this holds true.

A bit lengthy today, for sure, but I suggest that all five of these events hold much in common. All have led to splits, many of which are still simmering. Will we learn anything from where we are, or will our society take an abrupt turn into something none of us even want to envision?

A Little of This . . . and a Lotta That!

Monday afternoon, rainy, overcast, limited in activities . . . sound familiar? What I've found myself doing today is sitting in front of my computer, doing one of the activities I enjoy most: writing. Because I've caught up on a few miscellaneous projects, time is available to talk about what is on my mind today. Trust me, I didn't say what I know . . .just what is on my mind!

 

Lessons from The Covid

*As much as I despise--yet accept--the Covid-19's restrictions, I've further unveiled the gift of self-discovery, being reminded of how valuable interpersonal communication is to me. For those who know me, of course, I'm a talker. Being able to interact with others is--as I continue to recognize--a key to my happiness. Hearing stories makes me smile, and a variety of my friends can "spin a tale"--sometimes I even believe them! More often, however, I hear stories retold for the umpteenth time, yet I still laugh as heartily as I ever did. Seeing others smile, laugh, get ticked, agree, disagree is all part of the experience. Without those interactions, part of me is put on hold . . . would love to soon head to the Elks, the Tusky VFW, or Limby's and just listen to the talk!

 

*When I'm teaching students, my effectiveness suffers if I cannot look them in the eyes as I am trying to make my points. The teaching is still going on, but that face-to-face interaction is so difficult to replace. My teaching style is contingent upon constant interaction with my kids. Through the ever-present nonverbals, teachers can see understanding or lack thereof, frustration, anger, or whatever emotion surfaces--I miss that aspect. I'm fairly certain of this: If this mode of teaching persists into next fall, my teaching career will be at the end...don't like to say that, but this dog doesn't want to wade into those waters!

 

*Sports and its entertainment are quite crucial to my "balance." On a nightly basis, I typically would be watching an athletic activity, particularly this time of year. With basketball and baseball, specifically, on the shelf, I've been watching a bit too much television although I've discovered that binge watching makes me extremely lazy yet it makes for an enjoyable evening. After watching an episode of Cagney and Lacey during the first week of staying at home, I knew rock bottom was not far away, so I graduated to watching Tiger King and McMillions along with so many James Bond movies that I think I could be just like him . . . well, a nice thought anyway. Being the Tiger King, however, is way out of my wheelhouse!

 

*I'm glad I'm a reader because without that interest, my enthusiasm would be way down in the dumps. At our house, we subscribe to four weekly magazines and three monthly publications, so my interest is heightened when I pick up my daily mail. Additionally, I love books, but I stagger my reading with different genres so getting stale is not an option. Recently, I have read fiction (Delia Owens's Where the Crawdads Sing and Stephen Markley's Ohio--even Gnadenhutten is referenced!); history (Carlotta Walls LaNier's A Mighty Long Way--a story of the Little Rock 9 Civil Rights challenge); Politics (Tucker Carlson's Ship of Fools, Rick Wilson's Running Against the Devil, and Steven Hassan's The Cult of Trump); and Vietnam (Dave Lange's Virginity Lost in Vietnam). For many, of course, reading is not a desirable option; for me, it is my lifeline to understanding the world in which I live. Coupled with reading (and occasional skimming) of The Times-Reporter, The Canton Repository, and The Wall Street Journal (online), I like to think I'm fairly well informed. The truth is that I teach my students that "the sign of an intelligent person is one who views all sides of an issue before voicing an opinion"--I try to live that. I certainly have gone on record as saying that I'm not a Donald Trump fan--I did not say that I am opposed to pre-Trump Republican beliefs. However, my reading in-depth stories and reporting has convinced me that trusting Donald Trump is not part of my character . . .and I used to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot do it anymore. I stress again why: I have read, observed, and listened to many sides of these political debates and many sides of Mr. Trump's character . . .just cannot do it   . . . to me, the dude is a huckster.

 

*My happy place is really simple: If I'm in my garage cleaning a vehicle or outside mowing grass, a good chance exists that I'm having a great day. For me, those activities are mindless, allowing me to concentrate on the task at hand yet let my mind wander to whatever place it wants to go. I love the satisfaction of beginning with one condition (dirty car or unkempt grass) and seeing it come out a finished product. Similar to a construction worker, I would think, where the builder begins with a piece of ground but at the end has created a permanent structure--have to believe that is one of the more rewarding professions out there!

 

*My emphasis on physical fitness has been put to the test in these past few weeks. Living by a routine is so much a part of my life. If I don't get busy working out on my basement equipment or running early in the morning, I'll find myself  looking for the chips, the peeps, the Chips Ahoy, or the Skinny Pops, and, as a result,  ol' Too Ton Tony will be emerging from his winter solace when this whole pandemic deal allows more freedom. I know I like to work out, but I also know that I like to eat even more . . . it's a delicate balance (as if I'm delivering breaking news)!

 

*Most of all, what I have learned is--even though it's a cliché--we need each other. Whether it be family, friends, or just acquaintances, a rhythm exists to our lives that cannot be displaced. We thrive on others' personalities even if it's someone we don't necessarily care for, someone we think the world of, or someone who falls in between--that is the human experience. That, my friends, is what I miss . . . and I need it . . . come on, God, please help free us. I have to think we will come out of this with a different perspective  . . . just hope we can sustain it beyond a month!

 

*Oh, one other lesson I've discovered about me: I really do miss having a certain female cocker spaniel around here!

Views from the Hot Seat...: Basketball: Loves & Bugs

Views from the Hot Seat...: Basketball: Loves & Bugs: The smell of the gym . . .the bounce, bounce, bounce of the ball . . .the soft sound of the swishing net . . .the cheering of the raucous c...

Basketball: Loves & Bugs

The smell of the gym . . .the bounce, bounce, bounce of the ball . . .the soft sound of the swishing net . . .the cheering of the raucous crowd . . . the drowning sound of the buzzer . . .the piercing referees' whistles . . .the crowd's second-guessing . . .the comparisons of yesterday's stars to today's heroes . . .the memories of so many games past . . .ah, what a life I have shared!

It's basketball season! As this one gradually grinds to a halt, I find myself recognizing just how much I love the game, the atmosphere, and the theatrics that make it my sport of choice. Having been involved with it for as long as I can even remember, that round ball is part of me . . .and I am so thankful for it. With each passing year, though, the game changes bit by bit, sometimes positively  but sometimes negatively. The view from my seat exposes what I love and what bugs me about today's high school, college, and professional games!

Loves

In addition to the opening paragraph, I thoroughly enjoy the coaching strategies on display throughout games. Defensive shifts, offensive sets, adjustments during time outs and half times, immediate plays after time outs, clock management, substitution patterns . . . all contribute to the thinking that influence games' outcomes. Of course, coaches try to be as unpredictable as possible, but so much of what they can do is reliant upon their players' basketball intellect. If the players are a bit limited in their understanding of in-game shifts, coaches are handcuffed and are left with limited options. What really impresses is when a team is comprised of high academically achieving kids--they tend to be much more receptive to adjustments that benefit the team, not necessarily the individual.

Hearing people bickering in the stands is something I welcome. Listening carefully, I can pretty much always hear the following yells: "Call 'em both ways!"  "Get 'em off of him!" "Over the back!" "Three seconds!" "Refs must be from [their school]!" "How can they miss that?" "Our coach doesn't know what the hell he's doing!" You get the drift? Fans are fans no matter where they come from. I strongly suspect none of them has ever donned the whistle or coached in a pressure game and truly seen how difficult it is to call or coach a game . . . but that's the beauty of it, I guess.

Watching the competitiveness of athletes never gets old. The give-and-take, back-and-forth  with crowds reacting to the action only heightens the crowd's enthusiasm. As games tighten and time heads toward expiration, the roaring of the crowds brings high school games toward an emotional climax that leaves all involved physically drained at the conclusion . . .who has not felt that exhilarating sensation? The old adage of "thrill of victory and agony of defeat" lives on . . ., but I think we can agree that the "thrill" sure as hell beats the agony!

Bugs

The Euromove--I remain unconvinced it is not a travel.

Today's game allows players to put their heads down and steamroll toward the basket, forcing the referees to dictate whether to call a foul or ignore it. The pressure has intensified for the officials because getting all the way to the basket is the primary thinking of many kids today--I have to think it has arisen because of the example setting from the NBA game.

"Palming the Ball"--it seems as if it is an accepted and overlooked way to dribble the ball.

The elbow jump shot seems to be more of an afterthought, directly related to the steamrolling drive. On rare occasions, I still see it, but I am convinced that the 15'-17' jump shot has fallen victim to the aforementioned drive and the beautiful allure of the 3-point shot . . . a slowly dying fundamental beauty of the game.

The "leave my feet and hope somebody is open so I can make a pass" offense--seems like the jump stop fundamental has ridden itself to the grave.

At the risk of sounding like an ol' codger chomping on about how "it was better in my day," I will cease with my "bugs." To stay current, we have to adapt to the new game . . . , but I didn't say I liked it.

Experiments

I thoroughly enjoy attending the Canton Charge games, and I would encourage anyone who likes basketball to attend a few games (although I just was informed that crowds are soon to be banned from Ohio sporting events because of the dreaded Coronavirus). Yes, if one is geared toward the walk-it-up pace of various high school games or wants a foul every time two players touch, then this league is not an attractive option. I occasionally get asked if those teams are any good, and my response is "Hell yes, they're good--players are one step above Division I and one step below the NBA." They put on a great show with outstanding talent--it's worth a few looks. I mention the Charge for a central reason: the G-League (of which they are a part) experiments with rules/alterations that the NBA is testing to see if they should implement at their level. This year's main tinker is with foul shots; in an attempt to speed the game somewhat, all foul shots until the last two minutes and overtime follow this format: one foul shot is taken: if it is a one-shot foul, the result is one point; if it is two-shot foul, the shooter takes one shot that counts as two points; likewise, if it is a three-shot foul, the shooter takes one shot that counts as three points. If the foul shot is missed, no points are awarded. After watching it for one season thus far, I really like this option. Traditionalists may challenge it, but the pressure is certainly on to make the shot!

That is enough for today...the long winter has dried me up a bit as for my writing. Many topics remain to be explored, but, at this moment, I have chosen to stay removed from the polarizing state of politics and other related issues that seem to represent at times the sorry state of our human minds.Thus, I have ventured into waters that make me happy . . . basketball is my elixir!