Who are "They"?

"Every time you turn around, they want more money."
"If they try to push a new school down our throats, I will be against it."
"Do they ever think of the parents and the problems this might cause?"

All the aforementioned are excerpts from this past week's 30 Seconds statements found in the local Times-Reporter, comments that say much to me about the "they're picking on me" mentality that I see growing in our country and particularly in our home base. If readers and callers are going to continue placing the blame on "they," then I suppose we should have a common understanding of just who "they" really are!

Are "they" the people whom we have elected to make decisions for us (council representatives, school board members, trustees, commisioners)? The same people who get paid a pittance, who endure the wrath of constituents when they make a decision contrary to what an individual desires, who look to the future and try to make ends meet when the money is scarce, who have the courage to represent their neighborhoods when nobody else will step forward to do it? If that is the "they" being referred to by many, maybe we should applaud them rather than being critical of their commitment.

Are "they" the powers-that-be who set policy for our industries, the ones who frequently are trying to save us from us? The same people who regulate big business like oil and gas, television, public utilities, and environmental concerns? If that is the "they" being referred to by many, maybe we should occasionally applaud them rather than be misled into believing that those individuals are trying to turn our society into an outright disaster.

I could go on with my premises, but what each is leading to is the growing skepticism encompassing us. For whatever reason--unemployed/laid off people, drug addiction, complete apathy--I see and hear us spiraling toward such negativity that it scares me. Where it will stop is anyone's guess, but I am frustrated with the constant blame game. It reminds me of when I was a kid getting caught doing something: "I didn't do it!" It was so easy to blame a sometimes faceless person or situation when I clearly had ownership of the problem. My thinking was if I blamed someone it would shift my guilt . . . I should add that it seldom worked, and, after a while, any credibility I had drifted away. The same is true with the constant references to "they"--too much complaining and blaming about a faceless culprit make any argument somewhat worthless.

Over a year ago, I finished reading Jerry Tarkanian's book Runnin' Rebel. For those unfamiliar, Tarkanian (aka Tark the Shark) was a long-time college basketball coach out west, most notably at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas, who had a career of run-ins with the NCAA.  I cannot claim to know who was right or wrong, but when I was finished with the book, I realized Tark must have been an angel sent from heaven because he was constantly being picked on by the authorities--of course, everybody else was cheating uncontrollably, but they picked on him because they didn't like him. When I was done reading, my perception had changed--Tark had always portrayed the man's man way of life . . . Vegas, fast times, casinos, drinking, women, winning . . . by the time I had finished reading, I realized he had written the book to portray himself as a victim. Unfortunately, the effect was the opposite on me--he was repeatedly crying the blues about being picked on, but everybody else was getting away with infractions . . . sound familiar to my argument? While "they," the NCAA, may have been right or wrong, that point did not matter to me; what did matter was that "they" were just another example of blame.

I must share two personal stories that have occurred in the past few years-- a former classmate and teammate, and a lifetime friend who endured similar situations --that may illuminate my perspective. Van Henry, a talented, all-star athlete in any sport he ever attempted,faced the battle of prostate cancer. Once he endured the initial shock, he immediately put on his game face; rather than feeling sorry for himself, he attacked his treatments breaking them into the four quarters of an athletic contest. I am not writing this to provoke sympathy--if you know him, he would be upset if anyone did. Rather, his attitude is what made him go.  In his private moments, he probably endured the self pity that inevitably has to accompany such a diagnosis . . . but no one ever knew that. Likewise, Kim (Ronald) Smith, now a prominent attorney in Lancaster, PA, and a former Indian Valley North friend, faced an even more invasive battle with breast cancer, one that required her to endure emotions I cannot even envision. She, too, faced the fight head-on, never allowing the defeating demons to overcome her. Today, she embraces life just as she always has, but she truly understands the blessed gift she has been granted.

You do see where I am going with this, right?  The mental approach we take to life's challenges is what separates us--repeatedly, I told Van and Kim that their attitudes kept impressing me, and I was not blowing smoke. Van has always been a fighter in an athletic sense and Kim in an intellectual sense, but both were forced to take their lessons learned and apply them to a challenge they had never experienced. They have endured, and I have no doubt that Van will take his experience and use it to encourage others to face challenges head on--just like Kim is currently doing . . . that is what positive-thinking people do. An important side note:  I know sports are perceived in many different ways based upon our own experiences, but please don't ever tell me that enduring what sports offers does not toughen a person. Any athlete will say that quitting is always an option, but overcoming that feeling is what makes us tick and what pays dividends later in life. Van Henry and Kim (Ronald) Smith have once again proven that they are winners in these, the biggest fights of their lives . . . and through their experiences they have taught me yet again about perseverance.

Let me pull all this together: The "they" referred to at the outset of this entry could be anybody or anything, but it is so easy to blame "they" rather than confronting an issue and intelligently trying to arrive at a solution that works. Unfortunately, not all solutions are what we want to hear, but an appreciation for the process can certainly be achieved. Perhaps battling cancer is an extreme example, but my point has been made--how we approach life is determined largely by us. Bottom line for me:  When I hear others whining about someone or something, I frequently say, "OK, so what did you do about it?" It might not be the response desired, but at least I am trying to get past the negative . . . and sometimes they shut up!