Women: They Have Changed Us

At the risk of losing my Man-Town Badge, I am going to discuss women . . . about how we men cannot live without them . . .about how they have changed our society . . . about how their role has influenced us all. What I am writing  many men probably would not admit to  . . . but I feel pretty comfortable saying that women are why we are who we are--"for better or worse"!

 Growing up, I saw a woman's role as being totally subservient to the man's demands.  In my house, my father did not request, he demanded, that my mom accompany him whenever he said; even in mundane tasks like when he changed the car's oil, my mom would sit on a chair and read just so she was there by him as he had requested--bottom line was they were together practically every waking moment except during working hours.  Romantic, I guess, to an extent, but my memory makes it seem as if it was almost burdensome.  Of course, my mom, a product of an extremely religious home, willfully accepted that role because standing up to a man was not always socially acceptable.  Today I look back on that and just shake my head . . . like all progress, the evolution had to begin somewhere . . . what changed women's role in our society, I cannot pinpoint, but I can definitively say we are living in different times.

As a teacher, I encountered kids who had been raised in varying ways.  Many had parents who were perfectly content to allow the kids to grow up on their own, to allow their children to solve their own teenage spats or whatever "crisis of the moment" arose--these parents saw their role as advisors; quite the opposite, several parents were convinced that their kids could not grow up without their running interference, without their defending every movement their kids made.  I am not offering a critique of which style is better, but I can easily say that those kids whose parents allowed them to solve their problems frequently demonstrated a more stable adjustment to society's expectations.  It seemed as if those kids figured out how to fit in without a dependency on someone else to pave their way.  Frequently, those who did so were female. As my career unfolded, I increasingly saw females becoming more independent, feistier, and with that came a change in how men perceive women.

I chuckle as I write this because my dad--a blue collar clay worker--never did understand my wife, a nurse.  He could not fathom why a woman would want to work outside the house--her job was to stay home, raise the kids, and have dinner ready by 5 every night.  My wife and many like her, however, completely went against his norm . . . and, whew, am I glad they did.  In my career, I have worked alongside and for many women with attitude, and that, my friends, has significantly shaped whom I have become. Like all men, women have had to earn men's respect; granted, many men will never accept women as equals . . . trust me on that, but those numbers are certainly a minority today.  Just because a woman can talk loudly, can have credentials, and can express her opinion does not ensure that others are going to gravitate toward her.  No, a woman must be especially adept at communicating, at proving herself, at being an exceptional listener, at winning approval over a period of time . . . probably much moreso than a man.  The women I admire all have shared these characteristics, so, in turn, others' respect for them has been genuine.  When I look at women today who are leaders, they have so many similarities, but underneath the obvious is one other tenacious ingredient:  they are bulldogs in their mentality.  They gather information, they weigh the alternatives, and they make decisions that are best for their employer or that situation.  The posturing that often accompanies "Man-Town" is not a significant part of their decision making.  That last statement may offend a few of us males, but I have seen it too many times--women get things done while men--myself included--are often too hesitant perhaps because our egos are a bit too forceful (case in point:  examine the political posturing of the last year).

Provided the reader understands my points, I can easily attest that women have shaped us males into who we are.  Most of us, of course, are pleasers--we don't want people to be mad at us even though we accept that as part of life.  Therefore, when the women we respect in our home and in our workplace ask our assistance, our support, or our opinion, we are quick to respond.  The barriers of yesteryear have dissipated--we know that most of us are not in one-sided personal or work relationships with male dominance.  No, today we truly are in an equally-balanced coexistence . . . and we are all better for it (even though if any males are like me we still can pout and throw occasional temper tantrums!).

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I want to thank those individuals who took time to read and even respond to my first blog--much appreciated! As indicated, I will keep writing and posting to see if I "hit any nerves" for readers . . . I do not want my writing to become a struggle to read, so I will continue monitoring the responses . . . positive or negative!